Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
