Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
