The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Randomize