No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
