There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
