my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
