When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
