update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
