Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
