just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
