How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
