Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
