Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
