East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
