didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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