Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Randomize
