I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
