So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize