Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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