Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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