Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
