hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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