Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
