I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
