Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
