I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
