As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
