His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
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