if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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