Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
