"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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