we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
we should paint friendship bongs
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
