He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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