go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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