The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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