On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
