i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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