the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize