I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
