apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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