dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
