I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
