i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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