My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
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