How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize