i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
my phone needs a breathalizer
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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