So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
