remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
