It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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