You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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