im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
