Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
