In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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