Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Randomize
