I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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