He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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