Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Randomize
