I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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