Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
