In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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