found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
