Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
