Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
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