Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
