My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
