i just had sex bonerless
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
