Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Randomize
