I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
