I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize