he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
